During pregnancy something profound happens in the psyche not only of the mother. On a subconscious level we get in touch with our own earliest imprints. This happens through cell memory. In fact trauma of our lineage shows up in (sub)consciousness – especially early trauma which happened in relationship to the mother and caretakers. Up until recently it was thought that this would be the case for the mother only. We know now that it also happens for fathers.
Although it is a really big thing moving through the system it is very hard to notice and identify. We are talking earliest experiences. And those happened long before the neocortex came online – that part of the brain which is in charge of explicit memory. That means we no longer remember experiences the way we use to, still the body has gone through those experiences and the memory of it is stored in the body itself.
During pregnancy our entire being is on high alert ‘remembering‘ what has been experienced as fearful and threatening in earliest days of existence. Again: this usually is not conscious. It shows up disguised in fear, conflict, dreaming etc. I.e. fearing the responsibility for a child, the loss of one owns freedom, self doubt, wanting and at the same time not wanting the child, conflict with the partner, retreating in dreamland of the perfect family and so on. All that is perfectly normal in the sense that it is happening for pretty much all of us who become parents. Also conflict between partners, at times intense tension, is rather the norm than an exception.
Having gone through extreme difficulties myself during pregnancy I am quite familiar with this inner landscape. Luckily I had friends and family who held me, so I could pick myself up again after having lost trust and old dreams of a family with my then husband. It that regard, it has been the deepest valley I have been through so far in my life. And on a physical level I felt better and happier than ever. I simply loved what was happening inside myself and loved connecting to that growing being. The support I received during this phase has been invaluable for me. Huge gratitude for that.
For some it can be intense like that. For others hardly noticeable or just slightly uncomfortable. Wherever on this scale you find yourself I am happy to be with you. You don’t need to walk through this alone. Neither as a mother nor as a father nor as a couple. During times like pregnancy we need support and the sense of being held. Most of us are lacking a community as it was common in earlier days. A safe place to speak honestly and be vulnerable therefore is even more important.
In one-to-one session we can openly address whatever it is that moves through you.
It is a space to gently sense and to tenderly give attention to that wounded child inside, which is ourselves for deeper healing to happen. Finally.